The pull. The tug. That string that seems to connect your heart to something out there…
You must know this feeling. For years I felt it but didn’t know what it was. I just knew that it was drawing me towards something.
And then I met it and identified it…and it changed my life.
The first time I felt the presence and essence of Divine Mother was through that pull. It was a longing to visit and train in dance in Rajasthan, India.
India called me for several years before stepping foot on her soil. It wasn’t until I returned home from my first journey that I felt the impact and infinite sea of love pouring forth from her.
I met her in the eyes of strangers who soon became life-long friends. I met her in the joyful and friendly hotel and restaurant staff. I met her in the taxi drivers. I met her in the vegetable and fruit markets. I met her in the beautiful smiles, tears, laughter and sweat of my fellow dance students.
When I embraced my dance teacher for the first time in India, she told me “It’s like you’ve always been here.” Tears welled up in my eyes and a sense of home and belonging seeped into my cells and muscles.
We hear a lot about Divine Mother, Devi and lots of airy fairy language around the word “Goddess”. I would sometimes roll my eyes at these words – until I met and felt her.
Who is she really?
I know her to be a source of the greatest love ever known. I know her to be our true mother. I know her to live inside myself, others – both men and women. I know her to penetrate my heart and expand and grow it so that more love can be held there.
What I came to realize after recognizing her, is that through these touching and heartfelt experiences I was actually meeting myself.
The eyes that sparkled and shined back at me were not only the eyes of Divine Mother but the eyes of myself. I was meeting myself through these loving strangers in this strange but familiar land.
She was showing me…to me.
When I returned from that first trip, I cried lifetimes of tears.
From longing, loss, grief, trauma, and deep healing. My heart cracked wide open and I was never the same.
I had considered myself an open hearted and loving person, but I didn’t realize the walls and blocks and massive barbed wire fence that I had put around myself. These all came crashing down and were disintegrated by Ma.
She showed me that I wouldn’t actually explode or be hurt or even die if I opened myself up to more love.
The healing continues as does this relationship to Divine Mother. I talk to her and pray to her every day. She is always there.
She is always there for each one of us. My hope and wish is that each being on this planet realizes the infinite sea of her love that is always available.
Sometimes I feel that I cannot physically, emotionally or mentally contain or manage the amount of love and compassion that I hold or that I know is here for me.
And so…I take deep breaths. I dance. I cry. I call my mom. I adorn myself. I take a bath. I go for a walk under the tall trees.
I pray to her.
Divine Mother. Source of all.
Thank you for your loving presence in my life.
Thank you for the endless love that you pour into my heart.
Please help me to fully open myself up to receive this love.
Please help me melt into your loving arms and allow myself to be held in your light.
Help me to be a channel of this love. Help me to share it and shine to all who are seeking it.
Most of all, help me to surrender and yield to your love so that I truly may be free.
Jai Ma! Amen.