This is a raw and vulnerable share… because I don’t believe in only painting pretty pictures. I believe in sharing stories and reflections and ideas… and perhaps some of you can relate. Please comment or reply to me directly at lbdancr@gmail.com if you would like to reflect or share back.
This year…
…kicked my butt.
Brought me to my knees.
Broke my heart wide open.
Woke me the HELL up.
Shook my world…
I lost count of the amount of nights I cried myself to sleep.
I isolated. Cocooned. Went deep into the cave.
I felt extremely lonely and confused many, many days and nights.
But I didn’t know where else to go. I didn’t want to be anywhere.
I added more wrinkles to my face and more kilos to my frame.
I slept an average of 9 hours per night. I spent SO much time on “screens” and less time in books or in real-life-in-the-flesh-conversations.
My hormones felt (and continue to feel) like they were/are on a rollercoaster ride.
I reflected on old wounds that came up in many painful ways…
Dear friendships dissolved in front of my eyes.
I saw more mirrors (mostly cracked ones) being held up to my face than ever before.
In so many circumstances I saw my shadows being reflected. Triggers pointed right back to me… in many different angles and directions.
I felt like there was no one I could trust anymore.
I couldn’t sweep any of it under the rug anymore.
I couldn’t bury any of it.
It was all brought up to the surface and I was given a magnifying glass.
And…
Love flooded in all of the cracks and spaces.
I realized that the longing that I felt inside could only be remedied by ME.
I realized that the illusory “hole” that existed within me was of my own creation and could only be filled up by ME. Without shaming and criticizing myself, I took full responsibility… and treated myself like a child who needed to be reassured and reminded, coddled, adored and truly cared for. I needed this from me. The tears came again.
I meditated more, journaled more, shared with friends and family more, slowed down more, simplified more, embodied compassion and forgiveness SO MUCH MORE than ever before. I got more massages and took care of myself better than ever. I rested a lot.
I was more honest with myself and others.
I reached out and received help (spiritually, emotionally, psychologically).
With a deep breath, I now can say that I completely trust myself.
I know what I need. I don’t always remember and sometimes I again project and want to be rescued, but…
I am moving towards being my number 1 fan and supporter.
I am practicing presence, patience…. And releasing old stories/habits/thoughts on a daily basis.
I am shedding, shedding, shedding…
And…
I can joyfully say that I don’t associate with or resonate with one side or another.
I’m not red or blue, right or left, liberal or conservative.
I release all bullshit labels and I’m not anti-this-or-that.
I believe in LOVE. I believe in GRACE. I believe in FREEDOM. I stand for HONESTY. I stand for SOVEREIGNTY. I stand for the ONE (source, creator, universe, love, whatever you want to call it).
I believe that we are extremely lucky to occupy these human forms and we have a responsibility to the world to shed and release, heal and forgive over and over again until we are truly FREE… RIGHT NOW… so that we can better serve each other and co-create a better world. Empty yourself and surrender it all… in the name of LOVE.
And also…
BEAUTY.
PRESENCE.
BREATH…
And NOW… on the last day of 2021… after so many tears, realizations and clarity… I know that humans need one another. We need family. Community. We need to share. Support one another. Hold each other up and cheer each other on…
But that is not where it begins.
FIRST we are to find it, cultivate and embody it within…
…and then notice the overwhelming abundance of love, beauty, support… through many faces and helpful hands and manifestations… that shows up in endless ways… adding to our already full cup and open heart.
May it be so.
It is so.
And so it is.
Happy New Year.
Beautifully written and well said. All blessings to you in 2022. Love, Marina
And same to you, Marina! Love to you.
Hello Dear Lisa,
Yay, I am so grateful that “Love flooded in all the cracks and spaces” of your opened “mind-heart”! Thank you so much for sharing your rich experiences to help us empower ourselves as we begin this new year of 2022.
Love within us does come to our rescue at all times, especially when we are so opened up by our honest inner exploration. Love is what we ARE… and being vulnerable, authentic, humbled and compassionate with ourselves IS Love’s expression.
Speaking of Love’s expression, the last 2 classes I’ve attended of yours in “real time” have been filled with acknowledging and bringing forth everyone’s Love Nature on so many levels physically, mentally and spiritually. I completely enjoyed the gathering in “real time” with my fellow dancers….celebrating the divine feminine we’ve been gifted with in this lifetime to Be and express.
The early hour of zoom-dance at 8am PST was made easier than I could have ever imagined due to your loving and gentle meditative start of the class all the way through the warmups to the clear instructions and practice of the beautifully exotic and spiritually intoxicating sequences that you created for us to learn. I’ve had very little experience with dance and was not feeling physically fit but always felt welcomed and wanted in the class and have experienced great results in my physical condition and mental attitude! I knew if I didn’t show up for the class in real time, there was slight chance of me engaging as fully in the lessons on my own time with the ongoing distractions in my daily life. Now I have some quick and beautiful dance sequences memorized to practice and uplift me wherever I am, what abundance!!!
Thank you for all the great skills you possess and continue to acquire, and for these generous offerings you’ve made available to help enable us all to be That which we truly are.
With much Love to you and all beings everywhere,
Janet
Amen Janet! Love is the healing balm. Open to it’s infinite and abundant supply!!! And thank you for your wonderful words of appreciation and love for our online dance classes. I’m so happy to be dancing and sharing in this magical realm with you! It is my great honor and joy! Happy New Year, dear one.
love you dearest Lisa. Finding ourselves holding our breath in the deep Covid dive but then by grace we accept the gift of breath, the gift of life. What will the year ahead bring..,I’m trying on joyful excitement , acceptance and hoping that there will be much love. And. Peace and good health for you and me and all. New Year Blessings . Jai Ganesha ❤️
Thank you so much beautiful Charlette! I feel comforted and grateful knowing that you are on this path with me. I love you dearly. Jai Ganesha!!!! XO
Giving advice is tricky. Especially when I witness myself taking “myself” entirely too seriously. Empathy then becomes a state of being that is present, inclusive, and manifested by “active listening.”
Empathy is not passive, or apathetic. Ironically, there is an element of detachment that characterizes empathic intelligence, yes? For me, this means being watchful, “mindful” that is, of the ways I get bogged down in my own agenda, and the cleverness of selfish motives. Even giving advice can be less than sincere, especially when it is not welcomed. I find more and more, it is best for me to be a better listener, and be supportive by simply understanding what is really going on. Or not. I mean, I ask myself, what do I know, REALLY?
So, anyway, as many of the wisdom traditions have observed, life involves suffering. So does love. Love is not the easy way out, it is simply the only way to go. Being loving, and peaceful, often requires sacrifice. Telling the truth often means coping to my own stuff and dealing with my unresolved emotional issues in a brutally honest way. Being honest with myself often leads me to the conclusion that it is not for me to give advice.
To be a witness. To see that my awareness is not exclusively “mine” as a human entity unto myself. The state of being witness is mindful awareness that observes without judgment. Clearly, the level of consciousness that SEES is not me as an isolated individual. As an integrated part of the whole, the One, I can experience true love. Which can be very tough. Love is not only a soothing balm, but the agency of change, the alchemy of recreation. Giving birth is ecstasy and agony both.
The Yin Yang symbol of our ancestors is no new age smiley face. Kali Durga is no fairy god mother, like Tinkerbell. Yeah you know, if I want to harvest the crops and gather the flowers, I need to get down on my hands and knees in the soil, the Ground of Being, and work it. The seed is best planted in soil that is fertile, and prepared.
I love you Lisa.
I love you Markus. Thank you always for pouring out your wisdom and love through words. Thank you for being a witness and holding space. Sending you massive waves of love. May you continue to flow and grow and BE in it all. With love. With laughter. With all.
and so it is ❤️
OM.