Dear heart ~
Last week I was knocked down by intense low back pain. Dance, my favorite thing in this world, became something I dreaded. During the worst of it, walking across the room took a huge amount of effort and deep conscious breathing. My hips and legs felt like they didn’t belong on my body. I wanted to grow wings and fly or turn into a mermaid so I could become weightless and the pressure on my spine would lift.
Sitting down for more than 5 minutes became excruciating. I had no option but to surrender.
I could have fought it, cried about it, cursed it and felt overwhelmed by it.
I could have said, “Yes. Of course when I’m trying to get back to India, raise money, teach as much as possible, rehearse, etc…this happens. I must be in total sabotage mode!”
I didn’t go there. I softened into it. I found the gifts. I watched a lot of Bollywood movies. I took daily epsom salt baths. I received acupuncture, massage, and chiropractic adjustments. I relaxed into the discomfort and babied myself.
I decided not to feel like a failure or a victim.
And then? An army of love, help and support rushed in. My friends, family and students poured their love towards me. They continue to check on me with love texts, words of encouragement and advice. I have a team of healers. I feel so supported.
So I am reminded of the gift of surrender.
Surrender doesn’t mean defeat. Surrender opens the door to more grace, ease, compassion and flow.
When we are faced with a challenge…
When something goes “wrong”…
When we are thinking about our deepest dreams and desires…
Surrender is strength. Surrender is allowing. Surrender is giving up the need to control every single detail and aspect of our world. Control is an illusion. Let that shit go!
Let go and flow into life.
It is easy to choose surrender when the BIG things happen. Death. Divorce. Injury or sickness. What choice do we have?
What about surrendering to all of it? All that life presents us. All that we call in. The big and small fears that show up. The big and small every day decisions. The frustrations. The choices. The possibilities.
We ask for clarity. Then, we surrender.
When I said “yes” to this opportunity in India next month, fear seemed to take over. The critical voices in my head were screaming at me. But the word “yes” kept singing in my heart and the invitation to surrender presented itself to me. Perhaps my recent physical challenge was another, stronger, more acute invitation to surrender. It doesn’t matter. It is what it is.
I chose to surrender.
If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it.
~ Toni Morrison
Today my back is so much better. I am still healing, but am able to do that thing I love the most. DANCE. I am continuing to love myself up and take things slowly when I need to.
Support and love for this India trip are coming from everywhere.
I have completely surrendered into the mystery and magic of life.
My desires and dreams are clear.
Surrender has become a dear friend.
I wish you well and I invite you to let go, no matter what is happening big or small.